And so today I am now officially the Mom of a high school graduate and soon to be college student. My nest will be one bird less. My heart bursts in so many ways. As our kids go through their developmental stages so, too, do we go through our parenting stages and this is a big one.
I remember Mr. Rogers saying it was okay to have two feelings at the same time: happy and sad, scared and excited, and today it is many, many, many more than two. Another reason meditation is so important in my life. To allow for all the feelings and emotions, to be able to move gracefully through me and for me to still keep my sanity and presence in the moment. It must be a daily practice for me and my mind. (If you’d like to give it a try, you can find the monthly meditation here).
As I sat at UCLA having a matcha, hahaha, waiting to walk over to my daughter’s graduation, I had a parenting flash back. Like the old movies where the calendar pages fly off in snow, rain, wind and sun and year after year blows by … from pregnancy to singing happy birthday as she was born to the red bench at preschool, the birthday parties, play dates, pets, burying the pets, waiting and watching and driving to horseback riding, ice skating, volleyball, service learning projects, internships, haircuts, school, homeschool, France, Israel, Newport, the ocean, boogie boarding together, hiking … watching her grow and develop. I love her so. I wish for her to stay true to who she is, her “knowing” what is right for her, to love herself, her adventures, to see her missteps as learning and to always have loved ones around her.
My Mom journey continues too as I grow and learn and adventure out. Life is a trip, enjoy it, make the most of it, touch and reach out to others, “be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Happy Tuesday and happy graduation to any of you having graduates. Join me as we step further into our next steps, whatever they may be. Let’s do it!!!!!!
If you need any coaching please get in touch. Also email me if you have questions about the meditation. I love hearing from you.
Have you heard this before, “things happen for you, not to you.”? For you to grow and learn and develop. When you have a challenge, big or small, the question that needs to be asked is, “what am I supposed to learn from this?” Sometimes this is sooooo darn hard. When the circumstance feels brutal: divorce, bankruptcy, health crisis, a death etc. to ask what am I supposed to learn, can just piss you off.
However, once you travel through the anger and pain, when you can step back and “look” at it you will see an answer. Then you step into the lesson and learn it so that you can move on and don’t have to repeat and repeat (and the lesson grows in intensity so you want to get it sooner rather than later!!!). How do I know this? Hahahahaha I have asked and not gotten the answer or not wanted to look at the answer and have then been dealt the gnarlier blow to force me to see the answer. Either way it is brutal but if you grow from it, then it will never be brutal for the same lesson, you will be moving forward, growing.
This isn’t a straight line, it zigs and zags and sometimes we take three steps forward and one step back, 4 steps forward, 2 back. For me recently I saw a situation with so much clarity. I had been hammered and had continued to set myself up for the hammering by doing the same thing and not understanding why it was happening. Then I realized “ahhhhhhh, I get it, I will do things in a new way” and I did and guess what? It worked!!!! Things got better for a good 8 months and then I slipped and went back to my old way of handling the situation and BANG, I got hammered!!! Soooo clear. Not so fun but so clear.
When you see it like that you can then get support or help you stay on the path that works. That can be a coach, a friend, a support group, a sticky note reminder, a note in your phone, an alert you set, a part of your journaling etc. One example I looooove because it is so visual is: If a fan is just being a fan and you stick your finger in it and get your finger cut off. is it the fan’s fault? I know, sometimes we wish it was the fan’s fault but we know it isn’t.
Growing is hard sometimes, growing pains they say. I would rather have growing pains though than stuck frustration and bitter resignation. We can control what we do and what we need to set ourselves up to be strong and healthy. Take the time to see, really observe if something isn’t working and ask, “what is my lesson here?”. Journal about it. Sit quietly with it. Do this month’s meditation and then quietly ask yourself, “what is my lesson.”
Listen, learn and grow. Ask for help and support.
Love you all!!!
Keep me posted and shared or reach out if you need to.
Intro and Explanation: May Meditation
May Meditation Be Sweet to Yourself
It can be a small sentence like, “ugh, that was stupid, why did I do that?” or it can be going down the rabbit hole of beating yourself up, either way let’s break that habit!!! The meditation for this month is for self-love, to replace the negative self-talk with love.
You know when you are in love you have boundless energy, everything is “amazing”, you have patience, and you radiate light and joy. There is a flow. Well wouldn’t that be amazing to create just by loving yourself? After all it all starts with you and from there everything else occurs.
So self-love and kindness is a must if we are to be in relationship with others. Sometimes it is challenging if you are already going down the rabbit hole but this is where you are being given the opportunity to observe and shift your focus to what is more interesting to you. Would you rather focus on berating yourself OR taking an action that moves you toward a goal? For me, it is the physical act, the action itself that can shift my mental state.
Look, sometimes we just aren’t happy, peppy, smilely, or energized but if we can just keep moving, even ever so slightly, we will begin to build the muscle of shifting our focus. I am not advocating busy work or rushing around avoiding our feelings. In fact, just the opposite. I want you to be conscious of where we are and to still play for the game that means so much to us.
For example; I have been doing a lot lately with kid stuff, work stuff etc. ... and have been poooooped, not at all wanting to post little coaching videos or live FB and insta but I promised my communications director (Hi Julie- love ya ) that I would do it! So, I decided to do it in the morning after I meditated and before I was fried and EVEN if I didn’t feel like it. And you know what? It has been ok! I am sharing to help people,I am not thinking about myself at all and that is a good thing. The result is that you always feel better when you actually do something toward your dreams. So women and moms who are here: I am not talking about doing that extra load of laundry or cleaning the bathroom! I am talking about taking that extra yoga class, getting that massage, working on your book for a ½ hour, making the jewelry, writing the speech, sending the email -- any action that moves you forward.
Start with this meditation (click here to see the video), I kept it short at 3 ½ minutes total I think. Do it. Do it everyday!!! Build your self-love muscle and let’s join together and STOP beating ourselves up. Period. For any reason. We are fantastic, we are human, we make mistakes, and we are loveable!!!
Let’s do this together!
Happy Tuesday. love you all!!
You might not even realize it but your mind does not like change! Taking action -- and the shifts that come with it -- can trigger worry, doubt, and fear. And they (aka the Monkey Mind) will try to convince you not to do it! Learn to recognize this when it happens and how to move through it to take that leap! Here's a few tips to get started.
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What is a sit spot? I can remember when my kids were on nature walks in school and they would say, “time for everyone to find a sit spot”. A place away from each other where they could sit and appreciate nature and themselves. I use this a lot.
I like to find a little gorgeous spot and just sit, even if for a minute. It makes a difference in your day and in your overall vibe. But sometimes, let’s face it, we aren’t in a nature place to “sit”. I have even just done it in my car. Creating a space to breath and connect to the sounds I hear. This slows things down and relaxation just happens without force. It is a game changer for moving on to the next thing.
For me it is especially powerful when I am stressed or have been affected by someone else and I need to “shake it off.” Even, as a mom, it is like a ‘time out” for us to re-set, re-charge and then make dinner hahahaha. Whatever it takes. Most importantly it is allowing ourselves to step out and take a minute.
Isn’t it so true that with all the information coming at us and to us, it has created a poverty of attention? It is a bit mind-numbing as things are so distracting. You start one thing, then another pops up, then someone asks you to do something, then your phone rings, then you have to get to an app. And by now you totally forgot about the first thing you were doing that you didn’t even finish. Turning off the distractions, doing one thing at a time until complete (not multitasking), then doing the next best thing and so on is how I have gained focus. AND, the sit spot :)
Try it. When you aren’t focused, or are overwhelmed, stressed, scared you “can’t” do something, procrastinating, etc. . . . just sit, take a minute. Breathe. Consciously inhale, hold the breath, exhale, continue that and hear: the garbage truck drive by, the bird, a dog barking, a child crying, someone laughing, cars in the distance. When you open your eyes you will feel clearer, calmer, less rattled, and whew ready to carry on.
Sit, stay calm. and prosper.
Love you guys.
Courtney Gebhart, Life Coach, Kundalini Yoga teacher, and Human Being.